XOXO
Although this has been the first post on this blog in over a year but in but life has changed immensely, oh how they have changed but the most important and by far most life changing was I met the most wonderful amazing woman of my life and actually dated her. (Completely unheard of I know)
We started dating after she asked me to be here boyfriend with a button ( It was the sweetest most adorable thing I've ever received well until later) . So on February 5, 2015 I became a taken man for the first time in a long time.
The girl did nothing but make me better than I could ever become on my own (which of you know me is difficult to do that). I won't divulge her name but I kid you not this girl is amazing and is anything anyone could ever hope for; she's smart funny, goofy, ambitious, talented, passionate, caring, family oriented and simply drop dead gorgeous.
Our first conversation was literally was hours long in a crowded bar but I swear to you she was the only person there with me there was no other the sound in the room just her voice no smells other than the smell her American Spirits and whiskey. Ladies and Gentlemen we talked about philosophy, anime, a gypsy lifestyle and everything in-between I kid you not that conversation was literally the most the most intoxicating thing I've ever been a part of it was simply memorizing.
I honestly felt like I was in the land of the lotus eaters, but the thing is that it did not feel like that just the first time we talked every time I say again every time I was lucky enough to have an actual conversation with the lovely lovely woman it was a simple pleasure.
On May 21st my birthday I turned 26 years old and this amazing woman of mine got me the absolutely sweetest card I have received in my entire life, the card played on my love of sushi and her inability to enjoy it herself. That card is my single most prized possession of this day and it's on that very day I slipped tripped and busted my lip and fell in love.
So everything sounds perfect right? Wrong, the thing is I want/wanted to move to California (I really don't know what I want to do anymore because that girl rocked my world and really would like to see where this whole thing could go). Since we've both started new jobs and going to school we rarely have time for each other but even with all that it hasn't changed how I feel about this girl. We ended things and the only term to describe it is a beautiful tragedy we ended things the same way they began so So here I am with a dream and my dream girl but I am at an impasse because either way I go it seems like I'd lose one or even worse both. Quickly this dream has turned into a nightmare and I have no earthly idea on what to do next, I finish school in August and starting September 1st I will not have a job. So I'm left to put unnecessary amounts of pressure and stress on the girl I'm hopelessly in love with all with the hope that she'll take me back, or leave Texas and hope that our paths cross again sometime in the future. Either one sounds like shit decisions to me, but hey what do I know I'm just a man in love with a woman who wants to do whats best for her.
So I do my best to not call and text her but has not stopped my mind from thinking about her wanting to her laugh see her smile or feel the warmth of her hand in mine. Too be honest I just need to get all this stuff of my chest because I really do not have anyone to talk to about this so I just needed to vent so do not mind me there is nothing anyone can do I'm hurting and I miss my lady but she cannot and will not ever find because I cannot be a burden.
I hope and pray you never see any of this,
Faithfully yours,
Terrell "C4RN3V1L" Fernandez
We started dating after she asked me to be here boyfriend with a button ( It was the sweetest most adorable thing I've ever received well until later) . So on February 5, 2015 I became a taken man for the first time in a long time.
The girl did nothing but make me better than I could ever become on my own (which of you know me is difficult to do that). I won't divulge her name but I kid you not this girl is amazing and is anything anyone could ever hope for; she's smart funny, goofy, ambitious, talented, passionate, caring, family oriented and simply drop dead gorgeous.
Our first conversation was literally was hours long in a crowded bar but I swear to you she was the only person there with me there was no other the sound in the room just her voice no smells other than the smell her American Spirits and whiskey. Ladies and Gentlemen we talked about philosophy, anime, a gypsy lifestyle and everything in-between I kid you not that conversation was literally the most the most intoxicating thing I've ever been a part of it was simply memorizing.
I honestly felt like I was in the land of the lotus eaters, but the thing is that it did not feel like that just the first time we talked every time I say again every time I was lucky enough to have an actual conversation with the lovely lovely woman it was a simple pleasure.
On May 21st my birthday I turned 26 years old and this amazing woman of mine got me the absolutely sweetest card I have received in my entire life, the card played on my love of sushi and her inability to enjoy it herself. That card is my single most prized possession of this day and it's on that very day I slipped tripped and busted my lip and fell in love.
So everything sounds perfect right? Wrong, the thing is I want/wanted to move to California (I really don't know what I want to do anymore because that girl rocked my world and really would like to see where this whole thing could go). Since we've both started new jobs and going to school we rarely have time for each other but even with all that it hasn't changed how I feel about this girl. We ended things and the only term to describe it is a beautiful tragedy we ended things the same way they began so So here I am with a dream and my dream girl but I am at an impasse because either way I go it seems like I'd lose one or even worse both. Quickly this dream has turned into a nightmare and I have no earthly idea on what to do next, I finish school in August and starting September 1st I will not have a job. So I'm left to put unnecessary amounts of pressure and stress on the girl I'm hopelessly in love with all with the hope that she'll take me back, or leave Texas and hope that our paths cross again sometime in the future. Either one sounds like shit decisions to me, but hey what do I know I'm just a man in love with a woman who wants to do whats best for her.
So I do my best to not call and text her but has not stopped my mind from thinking about her wanting to her laugh see her smile or feel the warmth of her hand in mine. Too be honest I just need to get all this stuff of my chest because I really do not have anyone to talk to about this so I just needed to vent so do not mind me there is nothing anyone can do I'm hurting and I miss my lady but she cannot and will not ever find because I cannot be a burden.
I hope and pray you never see any of this,
Faithfully yours,
Terrell "C4RN3V1L" Fernandez
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