The Final Countdown

It has been an absolute pleasure writing for you guys the past couple of years and quite frankly it has been an honor to do so. I would really like to thank every single one of you for you support from the bottom of my heart, being able to share my ideas and thoughts in an open forum was really exciting and just fun to do.

For now it's time to say goodbye, not saying I won't be back but it will be a much needed mental break, and of course time needed to improve upon myself. However i will not leave you guys without something to remember me by so in this my final post and I hope you guys like it. With every different section within this final post will come coupled with a list of songs that influenced the topic and how I feel as I was writing.

Breaking In To Colored Houses

After sharing my blog with a few people I get comments of "you're so white" or "that's not hood brah" definitely in my Top 5 list of "Things that Irk Me". I'm confused that why some people are so  concerned about being put inside a racial box and they are so quick to do it to someone else and actually mean it offensively. You like what you like because you like it, it has absolutely nothing to do with your actually race. I'm convinced that this whole conundrum is exactly why that I feel like black people cannot evolve; we're "hoodstuck". It seems like everything that you cannot find in the ghetto or on the streets is not something you should enjoy and be involved in and that is really shitty that we as a people have limited ourselves because we refuse to see change. How about we let people just be not worry about anything else? What is this bullshit about sounding "white"? So you are saying if I sound verbose and educated that I "sound white" which you are actually saying that every other race is smarter than your own. Come on son really? Honestly you should be able to convey your intellect and still be considered whatever race you are; hell you should be considered a credit to your race  at that point.

Friday July 31st 2015

I was out in Denton Texas this fateful Friday night visiting my bestie Matt AKA Cola the night was very typical, well as typical as a night in Denton can be with my boo thing. The only major difference is we rolled over to Hailey's the bar/dance club thing that is right on the outskirts of the square. Apparently that was a absolutely horrible idea, we all know dancing has basically evolved into having sex with clothes on which was not my issue. My issue came within 5 minutes of being there, a girl who was obviously drunk off her ass was getting taken advantage of, but far more so than everyday life in my eyes. She was backing it up on the person (who I thought was a dude but I was wrong it was a very butch girl) all that aside she wasn't forced to that so not my issue right? True but what got me was the fact that about after 20 seconds of that the girl dancing then was getting grabbed by the nap of her neck and getting thrusted on. Like seriously thrusted like it was a video on Brazzers and to top it off people were recording it while yelling "WorldStar!!" (yes the black youtube that filthy waste of internet space). Seriously that is not only disrespectful but distasteful the only time a woman should be treated like that is during coitus (obviously only if she is into that type of thing). So her friend cuts in and asks for the group to cut it out, explains that her friend is drunk and it is not cool to take advantage of her like that, and surprising enough the group dissolves without a fuss. Well for about 20 minutes that is, this time the drunk dancing girl (lets name her Amy), so Amy is dancing by herself not on or around anyone, then the butch girl (lets name her Bertha) had to go make another video for World Star. Bertha proceeds to grope and grind on Amy who has now stopped dancing and has called out from her friend (who we'll call Kimberly), so Kimberly takes a more aggressive stance with this whole thing. Kimberly has now put her hand on Berthas chest while talking to Bertha asking her to stop while trying to create some separation for Amy. This quickly erupts into a major racial shit storm, yes I said racial shit storm because for some odd reason to Bertha and some of her portly friends, Kimberly and Amy should have not been in club in the first place because "white bitches don't belong in hurrr". SO WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK? You are upset from a person trying to help her friend when you had just been told what you were doing 20 minutes prior was not appropriate and if that is the case it should have just been between Bertha and Kimberly not Berthas entire brood. Even better point is why did you guys have to come in with nothing but racial comments and even saying things along the lines of your people are not welcome here come on that is just insane and frankly sickening. Me being the dumbass that I am I jumped in to middle and tried to defuse the situation and trying to protect the one from the many was a bad especially if the one is white and my "uncle tom lookin ass" is trying to stop a group of black women from stomping her out. Whatever people make me sick and I really do think that MLK would be disappointed in every single one of us and no one chooses to even think about it. So the situation gets defused and we all go back to having a good time until the closing time and we go our separate ways, so piling out in front of the Haileys like most people do we hang out for a bit out front. Matt gets offered a drink by a random guy hanging out in front to which Matt replies with "Nah nigga, but thanks good lookin out" mind you Matt is white but he grew up in Oak Cliff (one the man "ghettos" of Dallas) so to him its a term of endearment much like dude or man. Obviously dude flips shit because of the "way" Matt said "nigga" so Matt tries to apologize for it while trying to inform him that he meant no disrespect its how he grew up and its what he does but he's sorry for offending him. This drunk asshole would eve let Matt finish a full sentence and kept saying that they should fight, so Matt calls me over for help to defuse this situation but the dude recognizes me from the debacle from earlier in the night and he now he wants to fight me for being a "white sympathizer" yeah people are fucking stupid.

 So do I think that we are doomed as a race? Yes in the United States of America,I have no reason to believe otherwise, and don't say well if we end racism everything will be fine, 1 that will NEVER happen and 2 maybe if a large majority of us weren't out and about acting like fucking idiots, whose only interests are fighting, rapping, and basketball we wouldn't be in the dire straights we are in. Racism is taught and nurtured but so is idiocy.

Days of Future Past

Let's talk about my favorite subject in the world, me. This is going super informal mostly because that is how my brain operates at its most efficient. I don't believe I have an ego ( hell I wrote a post about it) but even without this ego I "suffer" from a slightly entertaining case of Megalomania which is defined by Merriam-Webster as " a condition or mental illness that causes people to think that they have great or unlimited power or importance"; in other words you really can't tell me a damn thing about anything. However the megalomania coupled with a paranoid schizophrenic prone to depression make for a super interesting concoction; better know as Terrell "C4RN3V1L" Fernandez.

1. Everything bad that happens in my life is my fault (Yes everything happens for a reason, and that reason is I fucked up and I'm a POS)
2. I'm better than almost everybody
3. I don't believe in giving up, but my way of wanting to do things is usually frowned upon so I am usually forced too.
4. As much as I'd like to be a cut throat, ruthless, and generally shit-bag but for some odd reason I can never do it (and that bothers me)
5. I've never physically cheated (but I have mentally; when your girlfriend is a raging cunt but you don't think you can do better things happen)
6. Yes I regretted dating a girl while dating her
7. I write because I'm afraid to talk to my friends about things
8. My life is slowly starting to parallel that of Hank Moody in "Californication" none of the good parts and even if the "good"parts happened I'd still be furious.
9. I believe my life story is that of Good Luck Chuck, yes a romantic comedy staring Dane Cook (I know I know but hear me out) EVERY SINGLE GIRL I have been with has/will married their next serious boyfriend; without a curse from a random goth girl. Even if we were a no named fling its happened. ( I wonder why I don't want to let her go but that is neither her nor there and she is a subject that I won't be discussing)
10. I've always been afraid of losing people I love. Sometimes I wonder if there is anyone out there afraid to lose me.
11. I believe in my own personal karma, I say my own in reference to the fact that karma effects no one but myself I also feel like sometimes that I HAVE to be the one to be the "swift hand of justice" simply because if I don't do it it won't happen at all.
12. I would never describe myself as a "funny" guy in all seriousness, I think myself as an asshole and for some reason people usually think the fucked off things I just said to them was a joke...it's not.
13. I used to have quite the temper but I haven't actually been mad mad like pissed in for about 4 years well up until recently, but I don't lash out in anger it is not my thing I'm way more likely to punch an object rather than a human,
14. I believe I have one good quality I'm loyal but the thing is sometimes its down to fault because I like to think the people I choose to be loyal to would never do anything wrong let alone anything to fuck me over
15. I always think I could have done something better, no matter what how seemingly insignificant, I'm better and should have done better and not doing better makes me feel like I nothing like the man I thought I was or hoped to be.

My not so romantic, romantic future (May be intense so scroll past this)

So many of my friends have asked me about what I am going to do next, and the answer is simple; not a damn thing. "Other fish in the sea" first off  that is fucking stupid, yes I understand there are around 7.3 billion people in the world but there was a reason I picked that 1. There are also over 1 billion cars on the road in the world and you know which one I am concerned about? The one that fucking hit mine! I am just saying I understand what you all are trying to say, but I am trying to say that if people were so easily replaced maybe we wouldn't be friends. "Best way to get over someone is to get under someone else"WHO IN THE ACTUAL FUCK CAME UP WITH THE FUCKING GARBAGE?! So you mean to tell me that your previous relationship was so bad and solely based on sex that you actually can completely replace that person with sex with someone else? So not one of the conversations you two had meant anything? You don't see them when you fall asleep? Her  Their laugh isn't something that makes you smile yet sad because you may never get to hear it again? If your relationship was just a shell of what I consider an actual relationship then yeah I guess that is the best way to get over them. For me personally I don't believe that you can ever replace someone that means/meant something to you. A sea of pointless pussy will do nothing more than hasten your drowning in the pool of emptiness that I know you're a desperate to escape. With that out the way I would like to state that your boy is over it himself , and isn't why you're thinking so don't even fix your mouth to say it. I am going to the single thing until I end up leaving this plane of existence; and I do not mean the single and looking or the single and just looking to have fun or even the single but if it happens it happens. I mean the single life of you can keep that whole thing and everything associated with to yourself, If "love" comes my way she better keep walking, seats taken. I failed at a few aspects of a relationship that I never ever thought I would and just shows me it's not something I should be doing. Maybe just maybe that this former orphan already has the family he has always dreamt about and maybe I am here to be strength for the people I know and love you know being a brother. 

Kind of shitty end to the section so let me try to lighten the mood with a list of former relationship goals, things I've never done that I would have liked to do. 

• The conquered fortress, you know when the girlfriend is hanging out with your clothes on? Never has happened would have been cool.
• The road trip
• coming to a big family event as the actual boyfriend ( been to them as the side dude or the "friend" never the boyfriend)
• Have never spent the holidays with someone other than Mr. Jack Daniels
• Never been on a double date would have been cool
• As much as I hate pictures, I'd really like to be the guy plastered all over her accounts ( I hate on it now because I was jealous about it)
• The legendary sex soundtrack, has never happened hell I've never had sex with music on. It would have been really cool to have that mega-playlist with both our favorite songs.
• Movie night with all our favorites
• Porn with the girlie has never happened would have been interesting
• Had the goal of having girl actually liking and gushing about one my grandiose super ridiculous displays of affection.  
• I got really close this one but the really really deep conversation where no one gets hurt or anything like that.
• Playing video games with my lady in our skivvies odd I know but to me like that is one the best ways to me to show off how comfortable we are with each other.

Featured Songs from Days Of Future of Past:

• Krizz Kaliko - "Unstable"
• Timeflies - "Ride"
• Timeflies - "Let Her Go"
• Tech N9ne - "Leave Me Alone"
• Justin Bieber - "As Long As You Love Me"
• Rittz - "Misery Loves Company"
• Tank - "Maybe I Deserve"
• Prince - "7"
• We Came As Romans - "Trouble"
• Ces Cru - "Fate"
• Hopsin - "Nocturnal Rainbows"
• Maroon 5 - "Sunday Morning"
• Timeflies - "I Choose You"
• Reel Big Fish - "Valerie"
• The Toasters - "Thrill Me Up"
• Bad Manners - "Special Brew"
• UB40 - "The Way You Do The Things You Do"
• Justin Timberlake - "Not Such A Bad Thing"
• Timeflies - "Call Me Maybe"
• Crybaby - "King Cry Baby"
• Jerren Benton - "Diamonds & Fur"