Volume:1 The Man With No Ego (Keep your hands and legs in the cart at all times)

To be honest I don't don't know how many volumes this is going to be or if it should be more than one volume, but I'm going to do my best to take every reader of this post on a journey into my ill mind.

Let's get this started. Over the years it's been constantly brought to my attention that I have a big ego and while I on the other hand say that my ego ranges minuscule to completely nonexistent . So with a little help from the dictionary definition and maybe some other sources lets take a look into whats really going on here. 

• First off ego is defined as a person's sense of self-esteem or self-importance. So analyzing the definition bit by bit we can tackle this issue head on. So a persons overall emotional evaluation of his or her own worth plays a major role in having an ego at all.
• I can explain this rather quickly, I HAVE NO SELF-ESTEEM! I know I'm not worth anything simply because I haven't done anything. Despite my constant struggle to prove I'm not the exact same as every other fucking moronic 24 year old male in existence, I am simply no different.
• Honestly it pains me to wholeheartedly admit that but it's true. Well actually it sickening me would be a more accurate word choice.

One second let's make a brief visit to the past so everyone can get a nice handle on why at 24 years of age I have little to no self worth, and believe you me it isn't as simple as never having a girl be interested in me. Let's ignore the fact that I have not one but two ex-fiances, and focus on the my other "relationships" / encounters with the fairer sex. So after I got it through my thick skull that girls do not have what I as child dubbed as "cooties" my first girlfriend ever was dating me and one my best friends at the same damn time. Oddly enough I went balls to the wall with this one out the gate, I mean we were friends for awhile before hand so why not? Girl had it made cheesy notes in school, walking her and her little sisters home hanging out,  lame little gifts, and even foot massages after she came home from soccer practice. So needless to say after that I was out of the game for awhile, but lets queue the mid to late teenage years...and a wild fatass appears! I can't really tell if it was all the medication I was on (stuff I "needed" due to not mourning my fathers death to the satisfaction of the adults around me but that's another story entirely) or just a cruel twist of fate but I put on weight and I do mean weight. At first I did not let it bother me, I mean its about the person inside right?WRONG! No matter what people tell you if you are aesthetically pleasing to people you will not I repeat will not get a date. 
           It eventually turned from getting the polite turn downs to the cruel fat and ugly jokes until the girls saw the guys I was friends with. Out of no where girls where finally talking to me, by some unbelievable form of slut magic I was hot shit in town. All this instant popularity left me open I started getting myself back out there slowly making my way to the normalcy of any teenage male, but wouldn't you know it not a single girl was remotely interested in me they wanted my boys. My mind couldn't comprehend why someone would do anything like that, like why on earth would you wait until after a date to ask the guy who spent his time, money, and his energy about his best friend and if he thinks you're cute. Needless to say that made me a very bitter person for a very very long time, it lead me to never really trusting a female outside of my family especially ones who appear to have any sort of interest in me.
               Eventually my bitterness got the best of me and I sank into a world of immense paranoia, in fact that is where my mind resides currently. No offense to anyone by this but I am constantly thinking what people what from me what could they possibly be after, because if a girl I gave my all to obviously wanted something that wasn't me and if my best friend was only my friend to get at my girl what in the fuck could people I don't show nearly that much dedication to want? Over the years I've learned to downplay my paranoia for fear of coming off as a loon and for the immense fear of being pitied and have false affection thrown my way.In the light smile and laugh so no questions are asked but behind closed doors you drink until you forgive and forget or pass out whatever comes first. I can't seem to shake off the paranoia when it comes to trying to start a relationship, in a relationship I'm all gravy because by then you have earned my trust and I give no shits then but getting me to that point is the issue, and I'm writing these volumes in hopes you'll understand.

So in the end it's not an ego I have it's simply part of the appearance I must maintain to keep everyone I know as happy as possible, and I would gladly give of my mind, body, and soul if that is what it would take to make any of you smile. I may not have any powers but I'm doing my best to be a hero by my own definition, a person who spreads his wealth wether it be financially physically or mentally and protects the people he truly loves.

To my friends and fans do not, I repeat DO NOT worry about me I'll be fine I always am. I not doing anything stupid and I'm not drinking myself into oblivion (I don't have enough booze for that) I'm just writing to write you know? More Volumes will be coming I just got to sort out what's going on up here *taps his head* 

Remember ladies and gents...Just Keep Swimming.