329 Days and Nobody's Listening

I'm going to go ahead and apologize for this rant before hand, granted I shouldn't have to apologize for speaking my mind. However I will apologize for the lack of structure and all around randomness this post will undoubtedly contain.

1. I can't stand the fact that almost every fucking time I open my god damned mouth that I become vilified and hated for things I say, like some how things I say are the absolute worst things on the planet. Ignoring the fact that most of the things I say are truthful and earnest or come directly from the heart, but   it seems that people forget that I'm generally a good person and that the one "Fuck this son of a bitch" or similar comment erases everything I've ever done. I going to say this loud and clear FUCK YOU! I will continue to say whatever the fuck I want and if you don't like it quit talking to me or if you 're feeling lucky we can get into some old school gangster shit. 
2. I can't seem to figure out for the life of me why on earth do people insist on feeding me constant bullshit. For those who know me they can say without hesitation is that I'm always straight up always have and always be. I'm absurdly paranoid about the people I meet and it's even worse with girls I am interested in. So this constant two faced bullshit I'm constantly exposed to is eating me alive. Day in and day out I'm battling with myself on how to deal with all of this and I'm at a fucking crossroads.
3. I'm going insane one slow agonizing second at a time. It's really funny because I for one know it's all in my head and it's all within my control but I can't seem to shake what's going on within the co-directed project of Tim Burton, M Night Shyamalan, and Guy Richie or what most know it as my head. Even with my some of my best friends I feel like I'm getting constantly slapped in and mocked or even worse pittied. 
4. I would say I am proud of myself for being the bigger man as of late but that would be the biggest lie I have ever told in my 24 years of living. I hate myself more and more everyday for letting shit go I feel like a weakling for letting this happen with no repercussions. For letting him and her walk away scott fucking free.
5. Thing is I can recognize my totally flawed views about almost anything but simply acknowledging them won't do a fucking thing to change them and honestly I like the way I think I don't feel like I should have to change it for anyone or anything. Granted me being so interested in philosophy I feel that sometimes my view on life is somewhat limiting and to me having limits is a weakness, something I definitely would not like to have.