First Date

Yeah, I figure I'd suck everyone in with a nice, cheesy title. Let me get started and say this will not be a story about my first date, though granted I do still have the wet nap and mint from the restaurant tucked away, but that is a story best shared over tea or a beer. I'm just going to give some helpful tips and kind of walk everyone through what I do to get ready; Hell, lets face it, me getting a date is kind of a big deal.

So, things that I do when getting ready for a date.

• Plan months in advance
• Shower for at least 1hr and 13mins 
• Shave the tattoos
• Lock myself in the panic room (closet) and lose my shit just so I can get rid of some of the jitters.
• Send pictures of potential outfits to my female friends, so I don't spend 3hrs looking for something to wear
• Take care of my eyebrows and nails (feet included)
• Upon exiting the shower to air, dry apply a thin layer of coco butter, (you can't be ashy on a date)
• Plan my route on Google Maps
• Make sure the car is in tip top shape
• Usually, 2 days prior, shave my armpits while listening to Ja Rule
• Before T-shirt time (which is the time period that I'm wearing a shirt that goes on before the actual shirt I'm wearing for said date) lay in bed and listen to Tyrese.
• Locate proper accessories for the night’s attire
• Dance to Justin Beiber whilst applying cologne 
• And Finally, I call my mommy so she can tell me that, “She loves me,”  “I'm awesome,” and reinforce the fact that this girl is lucky I'm taking her anywhere.

Personally, I see the first date as a big deal in which you never know what may happen, so it takes a little planning. Ok, well, "a little" planning would be an understatement (if you're me anyways), it takes a methodical amount of planning; Hell, sometimes you’ve got to get down-right surgical with it. Fellas, this means you should obey these following rules. I am not saying that a lady can't or shouldn't be taking notes as well, but I believe the 1st date is like 95% the male’s responsibility.

1. Only plan to take her out after you get paid, and you’ve paid your damn bills!! You will look like a fucking jackass if your card gets declined for whatever activity you have planned. So, if you can't take her out ASAP don't fret, talk to girl and tell her what's up. Most women will appreciate the honesty and may even be a little impressed that you're paying. Ball on a Budget.
2. Unless the girl knows you pretty well, clean up; and by clean up, I mean your car, your apartment, and most importantly your bathroom. No girl wants to think she is going out with a fucking slob, so, yes, that means get on your hands and knees and scrub everything, because, yet again, you never know what could happen.
3. When it comes to a first date, skip the dinner and movie bullshit, it is your job to make sure she has an amazing time to where she wants to go out again and again. You can plan for the date 1of 3 ways: 1.Through clues in conversation, or things on her Facebook, look at what she may enjoy and try to plan accordingly, so, if she likes sports, plan on something sporty (Hell, sometimes going to a game is enough). Yes, such actions mean you have to PAY ATTENTION when she speaks, so you can get a leg up on the possible competition. 2. You take her to something she's never done before but she'd be game to do, this one requires a little more finesse. It requires asking a lot of questions but never really giving her a concrete idea of what you have planned; sometimes a little surprise is nice (If she doesn't like surprises BAIL NOW! Something isn't normal about someone who doesn't like surprises.) I mean, free and random gifts?! You know who doesn't like free and random gifts from someone who likes them? The answer is...the same people who don't like Nutella. And we all know that people that don't like Nutella are evil and probably murder babies. 3. Plan out something that provides her clues as to your interests; you know, sharing something about yourself through the date. This one is by far the most difficult because you run the risk of boring her, or thinking you have a screw loose.

Going out on a date is as nerve racking as it can be a complete blast. Have fun, and hey, if your plans fall through, have a back up. If the back up doesn't work, it's 5 o'clock somewhere and maybe a bit of conversation whilst drinking is all she may have truly wanted. You may get nervous or embarrassed but just roll with it; at least you didn't fall down a flight of stairs and break your nose. Be a gentleman, show her a good time, don't act like you are just trying to sleep with her, and I promise you'll see her again.