Carpe Diem and move on.

It was brought to my attention by an old friend that my posts here are not really present tense they are more retrospective, and as the old saying goes "hind sight is 20/20". So in this specific post I'm going to let readers know what is going on in my life right now, what am I losing sleep over, what is grinding my gears, and etc. However I do ask that as you are reading this post you are lenient with me.

Military Career

As some of you may know I joined the United States Army back in 2006 and got out in November of 2013. Over the course of the 7 years I found myself, I couldn't tell you if was the experiences I had or the life long friends I made but something changed. I felt like I mattered like I was worth at least the small piece of space of the world that I occupied. I became addicted to the fast life of deploying constantly, making money, and being important and making the people around me proud. My issue is that all that respect and admiration is gone I feel like a washed up childhood star and it bothers me to no fucking end the thought of being a regular person just kind of sickens me. So now I am at a crossroads get my fat ass back into some branch of service and face the trials and tribulations that come with it, in a attempt to feel more like person of value. Or I could attempt school again while working some boring job that I hate in hopes that everything thing will work out in the end. Now the choice seems like an easy one until you take into account the pros and cons of each.

1.  For instance the United States divorce rate is about 3.6 per 1,000 population (Source for Overall United States numbers) while the divorce rate in the military is about 3 or 4 out of every 100 and thats with the rate of divorce dropping (Source for military numbers) which doesn't sound too appealing.
2. I would be moving across the country and quite possibly the world, doesn't sound too bad aside from leaving my family and friends behind. Which I had no problems with while deploying because it was only for a short time but this time around it would be more permanent. 
3. Leaving Texas bothers me simply because of the housing market in everywhere else is so outrageously priced (well states I would actually want to live in)
4. I could actually make more money outside of the military, the keyword being could that is assuming I actually finish school.
5. As most of you know my body has gotten all types of messed up during my 7 year service with the military, bad knees and a bad back aren't really something a normal 25 year old should be dealing with. 

My future (romantically speaking)

Is for all intensive purposes is non existent, because I don't see me feeling that deep sense of love and admiration for anyone now or in the future. It's not that I'm not over my ex (actually her and the future hubby had an anniversary a few months back, congrats) or anything like that, it's more so of the fact that I don't see a relationship as some I need or really want anymore. I completely recognize the fact that there happens to be some absolutely amazing ladies who are actually interested in me (wild and foreign concept I know) but that doesn't change how I feel at the core, yes I do have feelings for some but overall I really don't mind and actually prefer being single. It isn't because I can hook with whoever I want or anything like that, it's the not having to please anyone or not be responsible for anyone else but myself that is truly liberating about the whole experience.

1. I hate the things that come with a relationship mostly because no matter what somebody somewhere can't mind their own fucking business. 
2. Exes, former suitors, past one stands, and etc always seem to pop up right when you get in a relationship as by some form of perpetual slut magic they know that you have a chance at something good that doesn't include them.
3. The thought of being "trapped" bothers me to a very great degree, once you get in a relationship it's your duty to longer think about just yourself. Someone else's feeling come into play and i don't know if you have noticed but I really enjoy doing whatever the hell I want.
4. Trust, I have to put my faith in another human to not screw me over. Ok let's stop and think about that for a second; Trust can be defined as the belief that someone or something is reliable, good, honest, effective, etc. People are just that people I don't trust the dude at Taco Bell to not fuck up my order. So I'm supposed to trust someone with my emotions, hopes, fears, dreams and most importantly my money?! Nah you've got me fucked up with someone else.

Honestly I'm not completely opposed to the idea I'm just very wary of the situation and do not like nor appreciate being pushed, poked or prodded to do anything with anyone before I'm damn well ready. I'll get on fine on my own I always have always will let me be me for awhile and maybe I'll have a change of heart or maybe a fantastic lady will change it for me either way I'm happy, and lets face it most people that are in relationships are no where near as happy as I am so stick that in your pipe and smoke it.