Track 2 from the Backstreet Boys album Black and Blue

Disclaimer: I've been drinking all day and haven't really slept so I hope this makes sense to someone besides me. Bear with me as I tell you a story; my story, although it may seem tragic for now but from what I am it is not over yet. As some of my childhood role models have shown me some feelings, a little magic, and some kick ass songs go a long way.

The REAL me 

    As most of you know I would consider myself a stubborn logical armchair philosopher, but there is a side of me that very very few get to see. I Terrell Yusef Fernandez am a hopeless and hapless romantic, you read it right I love the very idea of love and loving someone. Contrary to popular belief I whole-heartedly believe in the saying "Love conquers all." So here lies my dilemma when I do fall for someone I do it hard, like a punch from a heavyweight boxer hard and it happens quick like the person who received the aforementioned punch. Wouldn't you know it ladies and gents "Oops I did it again" and no it isn't some new girl that I found at random or anything like that, she's the X in the post XOXO and boy howdy do I miss that woman something fierce. 
    
    So one day in the car driving around we were laughing and joking as we always did and I let the L word slip, and I say slip for the reason that I did not even realize I had said it, but she did. It resonated with her so much that a few days later she told me about it, and thats the day I knew I actually loved that girl. The thing is to me the word "Love" is a pretty serious fucking thing and not something to take likely.Webster's Dictionary defines "Love" as  "profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person." and in Plato's Symposium he has multiple definitions of the word in the forms of great speeches, the playwright Aristophanes ingeniously described love  as "our search for our alter ago, that part of us that will make us whole again. Love is a remedy for an ancient wound inflicted on us by the gods, who divided us in two as a punishment for our arrogance. Since those primordial times, each of us is only half of himself or herself, searching relentlessly for completion."
Let us not forget the Bible "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. "-1 Corinthians 13:4-7 Last but not least Aristotle "... ‘loving’ [to philein] be wishing for someone the things that he deems good, for the sake of that person and not oneself, and the accomplishment of these things to the best of one’s ability”. So between the research and the physical changes with my body when I so much as hear her speak I am head over heels in love with this girl.

But what about California?

    FUCK CALIFORNIA and I don't want anything thinking "He's willing to give up on his dream of California to be with her?!" No no no far from, I was fascinated with California because it was new, different, and seemed more likely to foster my actual dream of being a family man. Yes a family man, you know what my one dream and goal in life is? To have a whole fucking gaggle of children and love and serve my wife in any way possible. Ok let's take a step back for a second I am also not saying that I want to do all of that right away or even with her, I'm saying that anything that gets me closer to that is well worth my time and energy. I hated absolutely hated waking up in the Dallas Fort Worth area before meeting her , it was a severe case of been there done that and these are essentially the same people that I've been around for so long and it felt like that no matter where I went who I was with or what I was doing. She changed that for me she made things shiny and new for me and I adore her for that, the new experience of being with someone well suited for me made everything new and a hell of a lot more enjoyable. I'm not saying that she's the one and I want to be with her for the rest of my life (my God that would be an unreasonable amount of pressure for anyone in such a short time) I'm saying there is a fraction of a chance she could become the one and etc. so why not ride these feelings and relationship as far as possible? Why not give it a chance? So in other words I don't care about California or anywhere else for that matter, well that is not entirely true just the possibility of what could become of us both as a couple and individuals far outweigh the entertainment of some silly move and thats the truth.

Closing Thoughts

1. I'd travel anywhere by your side as support or as your partner in crime, all you'd have to do is ask.
2. I say we try again one day at a time, no more no less no pressure and only one expectation; that we both give it our all.
3. I'm fucking amazing and no matter where I may be or what I am doing I could conquer the world with one hand tied behind my back as long as the other one is holding yours.
4. This may seem completely crazy and I don't care if she ever sees a single word of it but as much as I adore this woman I simply cannot be just friends with her right now. Selfish of me I know but if she's not down with anything I am feeling saying or typing then I have no choice but to leave her alone and not crowd her.
5. As much as I love the happily ever after stories and the love wins tagline just because you feel something doesn't mean they do but I'll be damned if anyone can look at me and say I wasn't genuine; Let's be truthful here I don't care about what anyone else thinks I'm happy knowing that I can actually still really care for someone so deeply and I'm even more happy knowing that I gave it my all.