See You At The Bottom
So this is basically a story that I hope will help someone somewhere with something they struggle with.
Despite popular opinion and knowledge im a really timid guy, shy, easily embarassed, and boderline nervous wreck (when it comes to women espicially). This is a tale of when a desicison made out of fear completely ruined something great for me.
There was/is this girl (only reason I say was is because the choice I made ruined what we had and she'll never be in my life in the way she was), but anyway girl is fucking gorgeous a literal knock out and im not talking just physically, she's driven, brillant, focused, nerdy, playful, sweet, caring, basically anything you could ever want in girlfriend hell lets face it anything and everything you'd want in a wife. From the first time we met there was something about her I just had to make her mine no matter how much she was out of my league. Time went by we dated other people due to my lack of confidence to talk to her (which beyond irritated me) she moved and we dropped out of contact. We got back in touch years later after my 1st deployment and after me and my first fiance split. Lucky for me right? Wrong, she was with a guy I couldn't fucking stand and a guy I knew wasn't treating her the way she deserved but, she thought he was the one so I bit my tongue and supported her. Some time later they broke up, (yeah I know what are the odds of me getting another shot) but this time I was the one who was in a long term relationship.I loved this girl no doubt and the relationship was beyond shitty, but I stuck in thinking it would get better and because I was afraid to try for anyone else. Needless to say after 7 years it never got better, but towards the end I had a choice I could stay and be with the misery I knew and had grown accoustomed to or risk everything and go after the highschool sweetheart that had no concrete idea how she felt. I chose the misery and she met a guy. Even though I made my choice my jealousy got the best of me and I flipped shit I deleted her from facebook and out of my phone and erased her number from memory. Eventually my now fiance (yeah dumb I know, marry the girl who does nothing but makes you miserable) and I call it quits (well she was cheating on me with my best friend but thats another story) so then I was worse off then before, so I reach out to the highschool sweetheart to apologize. Turns out she felt the same way I did all this time, turns out she knew I had a choice to make and she found out what choice I made from a mutual friend. I hurt her twice without even knowing about it, I chose someone over her someone that doesnt hold a candle to her, and I wasn't man enough or a good enough of a friend to tell her myself. So now shes with some guy and completely happy and I missed out on an angel.I hope that this story helps someone, to see that sometimes you gotta take a risk, that a bulk of the time your gut feeling is right. Never let something as stupid as a lack of self confidence keep you from anything no matter how small or large. I pray no one ends up like myself, a lonely guy who drinks himself to sleep, a guy who fakes the funk because he doesn't have a shred of confidence. Trust me waking up and hating what you see staring back at you isn't a good feeling esp when you know its the choices you made that made you who you are. Go for what you want jump into everything you do head first because failing doesnt suck nearly as much as never trying. I'll be here at the bottom helping you stay afloat. Until next time stay out of the deep end, not all of us are so eager to help.
Despite popular opinion and knowledge im a really timid guy, shy, easily embarassed, and boderline nervous wreck (when it comes to women espicially). This is a tale of when a desicison made out of fear completely ruined something great for me.
There was/is this girl (only reason I say was is because the choice I made ruined what we had and she'll never be in my life in the way she was), but anyway girl is fucking gorgeous a literal knock out and im not talking just physically, she's driven, brillant, focused, nerdy, playful, sweet, caring, basically anything you could ever want in girlfriend hell lets face it anything and everything you'd want in a wife. From the first time we met there was something about her I just had to make her mine no matter how much she was out of my league. Time went by we dated other people due to my lack of confidence to talk to her (which beyond irritated me) she moved and we dropped out of contact. We got back in touch years later after my 1st deployment and after me and my first fiance split. Lucky for me right? Wrong, she was with a guy I couldn't fucking stand and a guy I knew wasn't treating her the way she deserved but, she thought he was the one so I bit my tongue and supported her. Some time later they broke up, (yeah I know what are the odds of me getting another shot) but this time I was the one who was in a long term relationship.I loved this girl no doubt and the relationship was beyond shitty, but I stuck in thinking it would get better and because I was afraid to try for anyone else. Needless to say after 7 years it never got better, but towards the end I had a choice I could stay and be with the misery I knew and had grown accoustomed to or risk everything and go after the highschool sweetheart that had no concrete idea how she felt. I chose the misery and she met a guy. Even though I made my choice my jealousy got the best of me and I flipped shit I deleted her from facebook and out of my phone and erased her number from memory. Eventually my now fiance (yeah dumb I know, marry the girl who does nothing but makes you miserable) and I call it quits (well she was cheating on me with my best friend but thats another story) so then I was worse off then before, so I reach out to the highschool sweetheart to apologize. Turns out she felt the same way I did all this time, turns out she knew I had a choice to make and she found out what choice I made from a mutual friend. I hurt her twice without even knowing about it, I chose someone over her someone that doesnt hold a candle to her, and I wasn't man enough or a good enough of a friend to tell her myself. So now shes with some guy and completely happy and I missed out on an angel.I hope that this story helps someone, to see that sometimes you gotta take a risk, that a bulk of the time your gut feeling is right. Never let something as stupid as a lack of self confidence keep you from anything no matter how small or large. I pray no one ends up like myself, a lonely guy who drinks himself to sleep, a guy who fakes the funk because he doesn't have a shred of confidence. Trust me waking up and hating what you see staring back at you isn't a good feeling esp when you know its the choices you made that made you who you are. Go for what you want jump into everything you do head first because failing doesnt suck nearly as much as never trying. I'll be here at the bottom helping you stay afloat. Until next time stay out of the deep end, not all of us are so eager to help.
Btw Way check out this blog it's great full of randomness and great thoughts
Aw that's so sad. Im going to ask you about this later.
ReplyDelete