Nocturnal Rainbows

First I want to apologize for my personal lack of posting, I've been really busy and have had a little case of writers block. Second, I'd lack to apologize before hand for the different subjects in this post my mind can never seem to focus on one subject for too long.

• Reading a friends post on facebook got me thinking about somethings that finally sunk that is actually helping live my life finally and I do mean actually live it not walking around pretending to be happy or pretending that "I got this shit." I've attempt suicide about 7 times in course of 23 years of living on this earth, and I'm not saying this to get a response or for attention I'm saying this to be real and level with my friends that actually respect and care about me. Not once since my dad passed away have I felt I had any worth, I blamed myself for him dying hell I blame myself for anything in my life that goes wrong. Family and friends dying, relationships both romantic and non falling apart have always been my fault in my eyes. I've always thought I was supposed to fix everything that I could do anything to the point where in my relationships I became Captain Save A Hoe and shit would always take its toll. My 6th attempt was after I came home from Iraq my fiance left me, the girl I always wanted but never thought I was good enough for was with some dude and hated me, and the doctors told me I had a cancerous lump on my tongue so needless to say it was not a good week for me. I had a loaded gun to my temple and just kept pulling the trigger but nothing happened no matter how many times I did it the rounds were not chambering and the ones that did, for some odd reason didn't go off. I hated myself more than ever at thing point I felt like I failed everyone around me hell I even failed at offing myself (what type of n00b sucks at that). Eventually a few months later I found myself in California with people I've never met before but they felt like family and I completely forgot the hate I had for myself. I came home not 110% but I came back enough to start cleaning up I quit drinking for awhile and focused on myself and what I had to fix to become the person everyone needed me to be. It took years and loosing another loved one and a best friend but I did it. I tell you this no matter how hard things are no matter how bad things get you can pull through you can pick yourself up and be exactly who you want to be and the people that were meant to be in your life will be there no matter how far you go no matter how long your gone. 
• Now for my favorite subject, women. I've been asked many times about how do I ask women out and things along those lines. Gentlemen you must understand their isn't a technique to it you be yourself, be confident, and frankly be blunt. Mind you do not take being "blunt" as being disrespectful or rude being blunt is a simple as making you intentions clear so their is no confusion surrounding the potential date/relationship or what have you. Men it is your job on the first date to show her the time of her life, wow her to the point where she asks you out for a second date. Tailor the date to the girl, the dinner and movie thing has been done already granted it is done wrong by most which is a damn shame because it's possibly the easiest date plan out there. If you don't know what I mean by making the date tailored  to the specific girl it's as simple as taking her interests and making them into workable activities, not saying you have to drop stacks to impress her but show her you were actually listening to her when she was talking about stuff she likes and that will impress more than anything you could do (unless you have super powers). The date doesn't have to be something you excel in or are familiar with either, but don't make the mistake of doing something you hate to impress her. Confidence is key gentlemen I'm not saying you have to be fearless, hell I still get butterflies texting a girl I'm interested in but sometimes you just gotta nut up.