You just had to open your damn mouth didn’t you?

My partner Fort Knox (the extremely lovely Fort Knox I might add) wrote a blog about being more open in relationships and communicating more with your partner. If you haven’t read it, I suggest that you do so. But the crux of her argument was that opening your damn mouth could make your relationship, and therefore your life, significantly easier. 

She’s right.

Partly.

Women can be extremely thin skinned creatures; by that I mean that some get offended very easily. Opening your mouth and getting your problems out in the open can be extremely constructive, but it could also be hazardous to your health.

When faced with a situation like this, I always follow three lessons that my mother taught me at a young age. These lessons can ensure that opening your mouth can actually make a difference. And by difference, I mean a positive difference. Not one involving you having to dislodge a bullet that she just put in your trachea.

Before I begin I just want to say that if you have a woman that you can say anything to, at any time, keep her. Love her. Cherish her. Because they’re VERY FEW of those women around. If she doesn’t get offended easily, and she gives as good as she gets, handcuff her. I actually had a woman like that, and let her go. But my stupidity is a story for another time.

Also, these tips are only for the guys who believe that their relationship is worth sticking out and working on. If you don’t feel that way, then open your mouth and tell her, and move on.

1.       Time and Place                                                                                                                                                                     

As I stated before, trying to discuss your relationship problems is a good thing. Trying to discuss the problems that you have with your lady in the middle of Wal-mart, however, is dumb as hell. Nothing good can come from the shit. If you need to discuss something with her, pick a time that you’re both free, and can actually have a productive conversation. Just the two of you; none of your boys and none of her girls have to/need to be there.

2.        Pick and choose your battles.

Fellas, stop being whiny bitches. Learn to let shit go. She’s going to do some things that annoy you, just like you’re going to do some things that aggravate her. You don’t have to blow up at her just because she smacks her food, or because she may steal your food, or because she may interrupt you in the fourth quarter of an NBA Finals game. Though that shit may be hella aggravating, don’t turn it into World War three. Be patient. If she’s worth hanging on too, she’ll learn. Because I’m pretty sure you aint perfect your damn self.

3.       Be smart about it

So, you have the right time and place. You have a problem that you just can’t brush off. You’ve sat your lady down, and told her that you need to talk to her. What’s next?

BE SMART ABOUT IT.

In my experience, it’s not what you say, it’s how you say it. If you insult her, or belittle her, NOTHING IS GOING TO CHANGE. I’ll use one of the things my co-writer touch on; sex. If you think that you’re not getting enough ass, the absolute WRONG thing to say would be:

“Look bitch. I’m not getting enough. So either you have sex with me more, or I’m leaving you for one of your friends.”

C’mon son.

In closing, the way that you address your problem to your lady is everything. Be smart. Think about your words. Think about what your lady’s reaction to your words might be, and adjust accordingly. It can be the difference between being loved, and being deceased.